Visual art has always been my main source of expression. However, I’ve been dedicating more and more time to creativity through writing. Feel free to check out the poems below, which really describe some of the most real times in my life. And please, don’t be worried about some of the disturbing content as expressing dark parts of myself is extremely healing.
I’ve cried so many tears
angry and sad.
And TBH I’ve been running for men
to avoid feeling bad.
Running and swimming through the veins of my heart,
studying my life,
And it ain’t been easy – but I’ve never felt more alive.
swam together for a few years.
avoided our sadness
But I liked adventure and wanted to move on.
And you kept thinking of what could go wrong.
So off I went
To please mom and dad.
And you stayed behind,
And seemed glad.
While I chased glory and got lost in another,
You wore a ring, made another a mother.
And then I wanted to know myself and gave up the booze.
And it wasn’t easy – but I love the truth.
And now I’m reaching out my hand hoping you’ll take it.
And I think if we’re honest,
odds are we’ll make it.
Because I know it ain’t easy – but it’s real
And it’s raw.
And you might feel the same if you’d seen what I saw.
I’m far from perfect – but I promise I’ll be sincere.
Because things used to be so muddy
but now they’re more clear.
And it won’t be easy- nothing worth having is easy to complete.
But I’d be real lucky if you want to jump in.
Jump in with both feet.
Being accepted was such a simple art
All I did was play a few parts.
And lots of people wanted me.
I was the Jester
Made sure to act lesser
So they would feel better
I was the star girl
Twinkled and twirled
So they would look better
But it felt so wrong playing parts,
that I started singing what was inside my heart.
And now it feels like nobody wants me
I stood up for myself
And she said I attacked her.
I cried, “you’re hurting me”
And he stopped calling thereafter
And since my oxygen is their approval,
Their recipes my remedy
I’m barely breathing
and my stomach gnaws empty
But I’ve also got a light,
a small flame in the middle of my heart.
And that’ll lead me forward,
Away from a false life
no more playing parts.