Poetry

Visual art has always been my main source of expression. However, I’ve been dedicating more and more time to creativity through writing. Feel free to check out the poems below, which really describe some of the most real times in my life. And please, don’t be worried about some of the disturbing content as expressing dark parts of myself is extremely healing.

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For D

I’ve cried so many tears

angry and sad. 

And TBH I’ve been running for men

to avoid feeling bad. 

Running and swimming through the veins of my heart, 

studying my life, 

my emotions, 

my art. 

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And it ain’t been easy – but I’ve never felt more alive. 

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We met

swam together for a few years. 

Shared love 

avoided our sadness 

With liquor. 

With beer. 

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But I liked adventure and wanted to move on. 

And you kept thinking of what could go wrong. 

So off I went

To please mom and dad. 

And you stayed behind,

became rooted. 

And seemed glad. 

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While I chased glory and got lost in another,

You wore a ring, made another a mother. 

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And then I wanted to know myself and  gave up the booze. 

And it wasn’t easy – but I love the truth. 

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And now I’m reaching out my hand hoping you’ll take it. 

And I think if we’re honest, 

odds are we’ll make it. 

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Because I know it ain’t easy – but it’s real 

And it’s raw. 

And you might feel the same if you’d seen what I saw.

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I’m far from perfect – but I promise I’ll be sincere. 

Because things used to be so muddy

but now they’re more clear. 

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And it won’t be easy- nothing worth having is easy to complete. 

But I’d be real lucky if you want to jump in. 

Jump in with both feet. 

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Acting

Being accepted was such a simple art

All I did was play a few parts.

And lots of people wanted me.

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I was the Jester

Made sure to act lesser

So they would feel better

Humiliated myself

.

I was the star girl

Twinkled and twirled

So they would look better

Eviscerated myself

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But it felt so wrong playing parts,

that I started singing what was inside my heart.

And now it feels like nobody wants me

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I stood up for myself

  And she said I attacked her.

I cried, “you’re hurting me”

  And he stopped calling thereafter

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And since my oxygen is their approval,

Their recipes my remedy

I’m barely breathing

and my stomach gnaws empty

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But I’ve also got a light,

a small flame in the middle of my heart.

And that’ll lead me forward,

Away from a false life

no more playing parts.

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