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Freedom- A Poem

I say I want freedom
But will I say goodbye to the midnight high?

I say I want love
But will I continue with tantrums and denial?

I want life!
(Tip the scale, you will not fail)

I want hope!
(Feel the pain, it stops the drain)

What was my life?

Weed, booze and wild times.
Then meditation, yoga and gurus.
Payments, dues and monstrous fines
Accusations, impatience (that’s not the real you)

Time abroad and time away
Forest shrink and books decay

Vampires visit, I suck their lust
Masks unveiled, broken trust

I’ve been told a simple way to leave all the self destruction behind
Raged to think it was so straight forward to cross that line

Now I’m stuck between the past and a better life

It’s up to me.
What do I want-more freedom or more strife?

Digital painting by the author
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Prey- A Poem

They raised me to blame myself first,
So I never could never point my finger at them.
So I would always beat myself up instead.
So they could avoid their own hurt.

They raised me to self doubt,
So I’ll be there prisoner forever.
Never put two and two together
And realize there was a way out.

They raised me to be scared
so when they raged I’d cower.
Be their doormat-hour by hour
Never say ‘no’- I wouldn’t dare.

They raised me to be their meat,
So I’ll be theirs to feed upon.
Left me maimed and bruised and beat on.
Oh my carcass they were glad to eat.

They raised me to become prey,
So any predator could attack
Knowing I’d never fight back
Knowing I’d always obey.

Photo by Tony McClean
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Full of Life – A Poem

Being accepted was so simple. All I did was wear a costume:

And lots of people wanted me. 

.

I was the Jester.

Humiliated myself. Smiled and performed 

So they would feel higher

.

I was the Ornament

Eviscerated myself. Twinkled and twirled

So they would look good

.

But it felt so bad.

So I took off the costume:

And now it feels like nobody wants me

.

I stood up for myself

 And she said I attacked her.

I cried, “you’re hurting me”

 And he stopped calling

.

And since my oxygen is their approval,

Since their validation my bread and butter,

I’m barely breathing

And my stomach gnaws empty.

I’m listless and pointless.

It feels like I’m going to shrivel up and die like this.

.

And they’ll say it was a shame, 

She used to be so fun 

and full of life.